Jenna Oldro

May 1st, 2018

10 ways to show an abusive relationship-friendship

Relationships:

1. How they treat their Mom/SIblings – The way they treat their mom could be a major flag, screaming in her face, ignoring her when she calls, checking in making sure he/she is alright and he leaves her hanging causes an issue. If he is verbally abusive to his mom what makes you think he/she won’t do that to you? He/she will. Not right at first but time will tell.
2. How they act when their mad (punching walls, kicking things, screaming)– When you and your significant other are fighting and they become physically abusive by hitting walls, or kicking doors, do not ignore that. When your driving in the car and you begin arguing so they begin speeding up, putting both your lives at risk, it’s a major red flag by the way they act when your fighting. They may not be physically abusive while fighting but sometimes walls are not going to cover it.
3. Gaslighting/ Constantly lying- Gaslighting is pretty much “stirring the pot” getting your significant other engaged with fighting. Making remarks like “I never said that” or other things. They are brainwashing you with manipulation, causing you  to lose your identity, and self worth. Losing your perspective on everything. And now your stuck.
4. Their way or no way/ Controlling – If your significant other is controlling from the start about who you hang out with or what you do, they are automatically a toxic person to your life. You as your own individual can do whatever you want, unless their reasoning is acceptable, knowing it was not a good environment for you, etc.
5. Constant put downs/ Past life shaming – Your significant other and you probably joke around with each other, calling each other names and silly things, but once they start doing it and hitting your insecurities on purpose, they are not good for you. When your partner brings up your past and throws it in your face they are not the one. Your partner should forgive you for whatever you did no matter what.

Friendships:

1. You feel trapped – Someone who threatens you or themselves to make you stay around, is a very toxic friend. Someone who makes you feel like if you leave they’ll come after you or whatever you are scared of. If a friend makes you feel trapped, you will start to feel like your being held hostage and if you do something they do not like they yell at you, almost as if they are dating you.
2. Other friends are not allowed – A friend who is abusive will try to keep you from your other friends, come up with reasons to tell you why “they are not good friends” for you, when in all reality he/she is not the good friend. When you hang out with other people most of the time, this friend will become angry at you like you are doing something wrong. This controlling friend will begin to try and control your whole life as if you were their property, beware of them.
3. Being with them is draining – Spending time with somebody who is abusive is usually draining, They talk bad about all your friends , and mutual friends, hoping for your agreement. When you hang out with them it is like walking on eggshells because anything could set them off. Being with them changes you, and half of the time you do not like the person you have become.
4. Verbally/Physically abusive- Being verbally abusive is not always recognized, because most friends will joke around with each other, but if it is so constant, and they start hitting your insecurities or even bringing up things you trusted them with they are abusive. Physically is more able to recognize where they will hit you, poke you, pinch you and think it is all a joke.
5. Jealousy- Jealousy comes into not only with other friends, but if you are in a relationship they will try to break you up, or come in the middle of it. They will also become jealous of other little things that you have. For example, clothes, jewelry, shoes, and possibly even family.